Imagine a table of superheros getting together after a night on patrol and unwinding with a friendly game of poker. Being heroes, they would probably do the ethical thing and not use their powers to cheat. That is pretty boring for my purposes, so I’m going to forget that. I will also dismiss some popular heroes whose powers just don’t translate well to poker. Green Lantern may be good in a fight, but at the tables he’d need a green deck to do any tricks. And Wolverine is only good for cutting the deck.

Lets start off with Spiderman. Most of his powers don’t apply well to cards, but perhaps his “spidey-sense” would warn him when to get out of a hand. Usually this ability is related to physical danger, but financial danger could be close enough.

Superman has a lot of things going for him. Like the Flash, he thinks much faster than you and me, allowing ample time to come to the best decision. He could hear your heart beat to tell if you are lying or, of course, he could simply look at your cards. With x-ray vision he doesn’t only know what the other players have, but also the cards yet to come within in the deck.

Professor Xavier from the X-Men can use his mental abilities to make his opponents forget how to use their powers, or read their thoughts, or force them to fold.

Batman has no powers, but he probably knows how to count cards. In the comics he is the “worlds greatest detective” and could see a tell from a mile away. He would do his best to neutralize the major threats at the table by switching the deck with lead-lined cards and fitting his cowl with Magneto’s helmet. In addition, his utility belt has an odds calculator and Doyle Brunson’s Super System 2 in it.

Wonder Woman has a magic lasso that forces whoever it touches to tell the truth. In some games that gets you disqualified, all the better for her.
…

The incredible Hulk would

SMASH PUNY CARD TABLE!
…

And the winner is…Professor Charles Xavier. His power over the mind trumps all else. The only way he could loose is if either Batman finds a way to block his thoughts and out-plays Xavier straight up, or if the Hulk kills everyone in the room.

For more poker articles, check out HellsColdDay.com!